Deliver Me

The Struggle is Real

As a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) in the public schools, I have a pretty thankless job. The thanks I do receive is usually in the form of having a child "graduate" from Speech/Language Services. My school system (especially my special education coordinator) has tried on a monthly basis the past few years to spotlight some of her teachers/SLPs in different ways. A couple of SLPs appear to have been targeted for providing professional development, either in person or through technology. I'm really struggling with this. I have been an SLP for over 30 years and have had an enormous amount of different experiences that I could share with other SLPs and teachers. I bust my tail each and every day for my school system and have learned about technology in order to "work smarter, not harder". Yet I am overlooked. Therein lies the struggle.

It's All About HIM

The past couple of weeks God has certainly been sending me messages. It's not all about me. The reason I am in my profession is for Him. I have to remember why I am an SLP...not for the recognition but to serve HIM. It all started to hit home for me during the Gospel Readings about John the Baptist. No doubt John was an important part of Jesus' ministry by paving the way. Did he ever once say, "What about me?" "Doesn't anyone see what I'm doing?" It would appear that he didn't...he pointed the way to Jesus. I am no John, for sure. I am also nowhere near being able to emulate Jesus. Even Jesus didn't want recognition, he wanted it all to go to God the Father. His whole purpose in becoming man was to bring people closer to God and to save our souls.

A Life-Altering Recommendation

I was at a diocesan CCW meeting last week. Our spirituality commission chair is a wonderful young sister. She began our opening prayer and subsequent talk on...you guessed it...humility and doing everything for God, not for recognition. Our president then followed up on the same topic. I'm fairly certain that they didn't coordinate ahead of time. As we queued up for lunch, I found myself right in front of Sister and I mentioned how I needed to hear what she said because I was really struggling with it. She recommended that I read the book Interior Freedom by Jacques Philippe. She said that she's read it several times; it helps her put things in perspective. As soon as I sat down, I pulled out my phone and ordered it. I've started reading it but am taking it slow so I can digest what I'm reading. If it helped Sister, I have no doubt it will aid me in keeping focused. 

The president ended with her report with this prayer that I will be adding to my morning prayers:

"O my God, teach me to be generous, to serve you as you deserve to be served, to give without counting the cost, to fight without fear of being wounded, to work without seeking rest, and to spend myself without expecting any reward, but the knowledge that I am doing your holy will. Amen." — St. Ignatius of Loyola

The Epitome of Humility

As I read Saturday's mass readings, the thought occurred to me that these didn't really relate directly to the whole "make sure you're doing it for God" theme. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed. I wanted God to talk to me and to remind me that it's not about me. (And by feeling that way I made it all about me!) Then I read the reflection in my Magnificat. Father Jean-Nicolas Groll, S.J. wrote, 

Oh how true it is that to be anything in the sight of God we must be nothing, we must pretend to nothing, we must only desire to be ignored, forgotten, despised, and considered as the most vile and abject thing in the world.

He continues by encouraging us to show devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary, who is the epitome of humility and sacrifice. Once again, God didn't let me down! 

Humility.

Shortly after the new year, I looked through the prayers in the front of my Blessed is She Planner (which is great, by the way! It has everything a working-which pretty much includes all of us!-Catholic woman needs in a planner/calendar.) and ran across The Humility Prayer. Well, I immediately had an "earworm"; you know, a song that is stuck in your head that you just can't get out. Audrey Assad performs I Shall Not Want on an album. I've been listening to it almost every day on my way to work just as a reminder.